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Dear Miss Manners • My bedmate and I would like to authority a academic ball, with no accurate break attached. How should the allurement be worded? (It will, of course, be engraved — or thermographed, but Miss Manners charge not attending too closely.)

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If the ladies are to abrasion ballgowns, charge the gentlemen abrasion atramentous tie? None of the guests acceptable own a tuxedo, and renting one is a banking accountability we would like to abstain putting on them. Finally, we are accouterment on-site adolescent care, but I assume that that should not go on a academic invitation, so how do we acquaint them?

Gentle Reader • A academic allurement (and back it comes to engraving, Miss Manners consistently looks carefully — she aloof never speaks of what she finds) should be worded thus:

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Mr. and Mrs. LoveToEntertain

Request the Honor of your Company

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The basal larboard bend of the allurement should accompaniment “RSVP” or “The favor of a acknowledgment is requested,” with “Black tie” on the right.

As arbitrary as it may be, “Black tie” (if not the added attenuate “White tie” with brawl dresses) is the able appellation for what you describe, both for macho and female. However, this bent does not assume to be bedfast to the term. Why, in your scenario, is alone the macho banking accountability actuality considered?

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For the account of gender equality, you charge accomplish a decision. Either academic accoutrements for all, or instead, accomplish it a cocktail affair area men abrasion apparel and ladies abrasion knee-length dresses. In that case, “Business attire” would be the able wording.

As for the adolescent care, a blooper of cardboard with the advice can be tucked into the allurement .

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Dear Miss Manners • I’ve apparent waitpersons in restaurants carrying my coffee with their easily over the top of the cup, instead of captivation it by the handle.

I’ve had to appeal a new cup of coffee be delivered by captivation the handle. Perhaps it’s because they do not appetite to accident their acrylic nails; however, I acquisition it abhorrent to abode my aperture to a coffee cup area their fingers accept ahead been.

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Ignoring all but arresting balance and awful crawlers is an unfortunate, if necessary, allotment of dining in public. In your case, if it bothers you that much, ask for a straw.

Send questions to Miss Manners, aka Judith Martin, on her website, missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Mo. 64106.

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