Last night at the Latin Grammys, the stars basically biconcave themselves in absurdity and came out the added end, smiling. The boobs were perky, and the asses alike perkier. Click through the slideshow if you appetite to be accomplished in the way of the sequin.
Did you apperceive that Zoe Saldana is bisected Dominican, bisected Puerto Rican? Also, bethink aback she played Britney’s best acquaintance in Crossroads? Nevermind. Anyway, leave it to Zoe to accomplish what is about a attic length, bodice best dress covered in angel blooming sequins attending like the best anxious clothes on the red carpet—I mean, the Heineken sponsored blooming carpet.
From the front, it’s like, hey that’s a nice, semi-modest, sheer, apish turtleneck, check top, sequined gown, but afresh from the side, it’s all like, Helloooooooooooooooo NURSE! Is there any way I can accomplish Blanca Soto’s ass aloof by sitting on abundance all day? She looks accomplished as hell, but her academy cafeteria, just-took-my-bun-out-of-my-hairnet beard detracts from the hotness, aloof a tiny bit.
Holy molasses! How does Sofia Vergara do it? Every distinct time, it looks like addition absolutely caked her into her gown. I ambition that dress didn’t accept the annoying, squiggly sequins about the middle, but added than that, it’s absolutely stunning.
At the accident anniversary Shakira, Shaila Durcal was affectionate of affected in a cocktail dress with a aerial neckline, but aftermost night, she looked like a Jazz Age siren. For my tastes, I would accept admired beneath gold sequins, but afresh again, there is a football field-sized gap amid the bulk of sequins I like to abrasion and the bulk of sequins that were on affectation aftermost night, so let’s aloof booty it as a accustomed that I can never be as happyshinysparkly as best of the dresses aftermost night. The bodice of Shakira’s dress looks like an advertisement for Swarovski crystals. “Wear this dress fabricated of one actor hard-ass crystals, and you will be absolutely safe should you appear a atramentous tie angry bright area addition tries to ache you in the gut!” I adulation the abounding skirt, though.
Other than the atramentous swan growing out of her appropriate tit, Giselle Blondet looks like a slithery, reptilian bad-ass. Chiquinquira Delgado’s dress has a slight reptilian flash as well, but it’s a skosh too débutante ball. I aloof appetite to run my duke all over Paulina Rubio’s gown, abnormally over those little conch horns at her hips.
Man, I like Catalina Mesa’s charge to sequins. So abundant so that she is cutting a little applique acme about her head. How actual A Midsummer Night’s Dream: the Applique Edition. I adduce that a admirable bias-cut clothes with able-bodied placed cutouts is like a bowl of altogether aflame dumplings with Sriracha hot sauce. In added words: admirable as fuck.
Seriously girl, how can you affectation THIS CONFIDENTLY all the time? Alejandra Guzmán’s dress has a actor things activity for it: advised ruching in three altered directions, a applique bury brim that opens up to acknowledge what may be shorts, which would beggarly she’s cutting the world’s best complicated romper. But who cares. Alejandra is accepting fun, and I’m aloof actuality a drip.
Ew, bethink aback Adrienne Bailon of the Cheetah Girls was dating Rob Kardashian? Gross. I put that a to focus on her houndstooth dress, which is appealing great. One-shouldered, long-sleeved dresses were affectionate of a affair aftermost night, and I would put Adrienne’s dress at the advanced of the pack. I like the band detail in the back, and the waist cutouts are actual flattering. Alexandra Rodriguez reminds me of Sandra Bullock, and I can alike see Sandra cutting a dress like this to a red carpeting event. It’s covered up, but still form-fitting, and added importantly, it’s not at all fashionable.
Another red carpeting trend I’m digging: continued sleeve dresses in solid colors that still appearance a alluring bulk of skin. Gloria Ordaz and Demi Lovato went the coast neckline route, and Argelia Atilano went the “here’s an apparent triangle of beef from area my hip meets my waist” route. I absolutely absolutely like Argelia Atilano’s azure dejected dress. For whatever reason, I’m not abashed by the accessory of t that makes her altogether bass anatomy attending like it’s got a dejected gut. Sidebar: I account area Selena Gomez was aftermost night?
So abounding ladies showed up aftermost night in aqueous mercury gowns. Accurate story: aback I was a kid, I advisedly threw our thermometer on the arena so it would breach and discharge mercury. Minutes later, my mom came home from assignment and absolved in on me, apprenticed bottomward on the floor, inching adjoin a block of mercury. Anyway, turns out mercury-silver is a abundant t blush to array into a gown! Yucky conjugal white? Not so much.
Salt baptize taffy bought beeline from the boardwalk is delicious, yes, but let us not abrasion such colors aback there are aqueous mercury goddesses on the red carpet, deal?
These three accomplish up the trifecta of DANG, your ladybags are annihilation abbreviate of impressive. Seriously, my affection swells with admiration. Absorbing feats of acquisition force aside, Julie Ferretti’s dress is too orange (yes, I apperceive INCISIVE critique, but it’s true.) Sandra Echeverria’s dress looks like mercury banged into a metal and afresh broiled aback into a aqueous and afresh somehow sculpted into the absolute cocktail dress. Spanish accompanist Merche is cutting chunk on her break and what looks like affected suspenders that blanket about her neck. Win-win.
Sheer sleeves are ability in my opinion. You get to appearance some skin, after necessarily accepting to bald it. Plus, it keeps my arm hairs at bay. It’s a win-win-win situation. These dresses are additionally win-win-win. Actually, on the left, adorableness queen Massiel Taveras, aka Miss Dominican Republic, gets a MEGA WIN because that dress is brilliant, absolutely and figuratively.
Question for accompanist d’Manti: With a dress like that, do you feel like you’re cutting your train, or do you feel like it’s cutting you? Also, how the heck do you go to the bathroom? Acquaint your girlfriends, “All easily on deck!” and get ten of them to lift it up while you do your business?
Barbara Bermudo looks awkward into her dress. Also, her neckline is pointing up at her afflicted expression. I adopt Paula Fernandes’s atramentous dress with a arduous console active bottomward the ancillary to Blanca Soto’s, but actually, they both attending frickin’ great. Do you aloof go commando if you are activity to abrasion a dress like that? Is that absolutely Princess Theodora of Greece dressed like a alehouse gal from the Wild West about to do the cha-cha?
And here, we accept the trifecta of Uh, what is this? Ladies, did you not get the memo? The dress cipher for the Latin Grammys is: Attending fabulous. Also: Let no ambit be unhugged by acutely cogitating fabric.
Somebody go acquaint glassy to Occupy Wall Street for a while and leave these altogether admirable women alone.
There weren’t a ton of dark, vampy colors aftermost night, but these three ladies brought it.
How to say this after aural like an . Fuck it, there’s aloof no way. These dresses attending bargain and tacky.
The belt on Ariel Rose’s dress is basically the arrangement on a wrought adamant fence replicated in gold. The blush of Tanya Charry’s dress is horrible, and it’s sad and wrinkled. (What? Did you anticipate I was activity to say, Oh my god, I adulation the wrinkles on Tanya’s dress!) Cristián de la Fuente’s pants attending too tight, and the top of Angelica Castro’s dress looks too loose.
I appetite to like Kika Rocha’s dress, but it looks like it has soap algae on it. Karen Hoyos’s dress isn’t the best beautiful dress of the night, but it seems affectionate of fun to abrasion disco brawl t for a night. I’m not abiding who the gal on the appropriate is. She’s listed as Maria Peralta, but aback I went to Maria Peralta’s website, I got this. Anyway, a atramentous strapless dress is a actual safe choice, but I won’t abjure that it looks abundant adjoin her bark accent and fits her beautifully.
What’s this? Atramentous tights, a dress absolutely chargeless of sequins, and GASP, a abnormal sack dress with a (faux?) fur fest over it? How did these three, evidently dressed ladies (it’s relative, people) get in here? It’s afterglow area up in this hizzy and I’m sweating.
Well-dressed beatnik in a bow tie? Sign me up. Roger Borges, Radio, and Prince Royce are the affiche boys for dweeb-chic.
Taboo, bearding duo, and David Cabrera took some risks, and for that I shall apathetic applause for them, but also—a belt on the alfresco of your jacket? Joke tuxedos with abridged chains? That anorak with the awe-inspiring atramentous accents? Really? Guess that’s why bodies don’t booty sartorial risks. Cause of Debbie Downers like me all up on their case.
And assuredly we accept accomplished the august end. I dig Fidel Nadal’s music, but not those jeans. Usher knows what looks acceptable on him, but those shoes! Addition explain to me afresh how that asswipe Wilmer Valderrama anachronous Mandy Moore and Lindsay Lohan afore her activity imploded? Wilmer, you douchebucket, you accord Latin lovers a bad name.
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