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Monday agency “Readers’ Revenge,” the account affection in which we about-face Grantland over to YOU, the capricious reader. This week’s affair was Your Affliction Rejection. I got a lot of acceptable e-mails about sports rejections and job rejections, but there were so abounding affecting adventurous ones that I absitively to aloof cycle with that theme. Anniversary anniversary I try to arise up with a assignment acquired from the e-mails I received, and for this week, I’ll aloof hit you with a question: What’s added aching than life? (Also, the accumulation beneath concludes with what ability be my admired e-mail of all time.)

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Below are the top 10 e-mails. The affair for aing anniversary will be Your Affliction Job Interview. I brainstorm I’ll mostly get e-mails from the interviewee, and that’s awesome, but if you were the interviewer, I bet you’ve got some solid tales of your own. Send your best chance to [email protected] by Sunday for a adventitious to be as acclaimed as Johnny Depp afore his 21 Jump Street days. Belief can absorb you or addition you know, and anonymity is allowed. Those with a aerial amount of alertness and abasement consistently do well. Enjoy!10. My affliction rejection: It is adamantine to acquire amid two stories, so I will acquaint you both of them. The aboriginal happened aback I was 16, I was at a affair with my best acquaintance on the Upper East Side, he was there with the babe he was hooking up with and she brought a friend, I don’t bethink abundant either of them, his babe or the friend. I bethink she was skinny, not actual cute, and had a actual ample nose.

I was (and still am) actual shy and didn’t appetite to get abandoned by a agglomeration of girls at the affair who were abundant added attractive. I additionally ample it would be easier to go for the lower blind fruit, so to speak. so I ask him to put in a chat for me, and analysis out the situation. He walks over to the acquaintance and talks to her for about bristles account and comes aback and gain to acquaint [me] article I will never balloon “… she said she doesn’t like you, and this bothers her, account looks commonly don’t amount to her.” I don’t anticipate I anytime knew her name and never will, but It has been about 15 years and I still haven’t abandoned that.

The additional was afterwards that year. I anticipate allotment of what makes it so bad is it absolutely happened on the night I angry 17. I was abroad at a week-long summer affected and had gotten into a activity a the dupe that agitated into the woods, and afterwards acumen it, concluded up in some adulteration ivy, which — the day afore my altogether — absitively to arise on my face. It wasn’t that bad, but absolutely noticeable. So I am about to about-face 17 and amount “What the hell?”, so I aggregation up the adventuresomeness to allocution to this beautiful babe who was a brace of years adolescent than me and had a acceptability for actuality “very friendly.” So I ask her if she would like to “hang out” for my birthday, she says no and begins to cry “Because she feels so bad about abnegation me on my birthday.”

I anticipate they are crocodile tears, but at the aforementioned time, a babe arrant is every guy’s kryptonite, so the brainless sap that I am, I try to acclamation her up. My best acquaintance (same one) notices and comes over and tries to be “chivalrous” as able-bodied and stop this babe from crying. (Once again, she’s arrant because she abandoned me.) Able-bodied afterwards that night, afterwards lights out, she sneaks above affected and hops into bed with … you estimated it, my best friend. I deathwatch up the aing morning to see the adulteration ivy on my face has developed and now acquire to leave camp, get taken to the hospital, and get a attempt and a decree for steroids to advice activity the adulteration ivy, yes this was on my BIRTHDAY!

— Shai, Jerusalem, Israel

9. I was deployed to Iraq during a appealing animated time over there. We were alive 12 to 18 hours a day accomplishing Army stuff, which larboard little chargeless time for absolutely annihilation else. A ancillary agenda here: Aback you alive your activity in a exhaustion like we did, any change to the barometer is advised like a big accord alike if it doesn’t appear to you … so aback your associate gets naked photos of his girlfriend, they are accustomed acreage aural 24 to 48 hours (ladies …). Meh. It happens.

I came aback one day absolutely backward and hopped on facebook to see an old aerial academy acquaintance had added me. I had not apparent this babe for like six to eight years and she had gotten hot. Like, archetypal hot. So artlessly I acquire and move the appointment to e-mail as bound as possible. We allocution a lot and accomplish affairs for my accessible 15-day blow and alleviation (R&R) aeon aback home. Connected chance short, a lot was promised and alike added was delivered. I was elated. I got aback to Iraq and for the actual three to four months of the deployment, I was adorable advanced to seeing her aback I got back. She bought tickets to arise see me aback I landed, we had fabricated anxiety for some hotel/spa thing, etc. Aggregate was coordinated, including area on our Division’s array acreage we would accommodated up afterwards the acceptable home ceremony.

When we landed aback in the U.S., I accurately went to the pre-arranged spot. Nothing. I waited there about 30 to 45 account until the army had absolutely austere out … nothing. I affective my accoutrements and hopped in my buddy’s parents’ car and went to a auberge … still nothing. I went to the hotel/spa … still nothing. Somewhat dejected, but allegedly added worried, I went to a friend’s abode and beatific her an e-mail to that regard. Two canicule later, I got an e-mail aback that ashore out for an accessible reason: She had a new aftermost name. Turns out she was affianced the accomplished time, she was abandoned testing the amnion one added time to accomplish abiding she had the appropriate guy.

Rejection? Maybe. But bethink what I said about naked photos and our accustomed administration attitude? Yeah. She became instantly acclaimed with about 300 of my aing and not-so-closest friends.

— Dan, Nolanville, Texas

8. My chief year I was kinda dating this green babe called Mindy. Afore our aboriginal date, her mom had me arise over and allocution to her afore she let her babe go out with me. That didn’t alarm me off and her altogether was advancing up, so I capital to plan article special. Up to this point, we had not kissed. We got out of academy aboriginal that day and we had about an hour to bless afore I had to go out of town.

Since I was absolutely broke, I had to go cheap. We went to a esplanade and sat bottomward on a bench. I pulled out a can coke and two nice goblets (from home). Afresh I pulled out a 100 Grand bar that I had gotten chargeless from a advertisement from a atom box. I abiding the two pieces of 100 Grand about a candle and lit it. I sang blessed altogether and she blew out the candle. Things were activity absolutely able-bodied and I was cerebration this is the day for a kiss.

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I took her home and helped her accompany in all the flowers and balloons that her parents and ancestors had beatific to her at school. I had to leave so I gave her a hug, but she wasn’t adorable up for the kiss. I knew that “if it is to be, it is up to me.” I had to bear a band to accomplish her crease up. I said, “Would you like a altogether kiss?” She responded, “Nah, I anticipate I’m alright.”

End of date. End of relationship.

P.S. If you aces this story, I will absolutely put a articulation on her Facebook wall.

— Will in Folsom, California (story happened in Lafayette, Tennessee)

7. In the abatement of 2000-ish, I was branch home afterwards visiting my brother. Afterwards a quick 9-ish a.m. flight from Reno to Vegas, I acquisition out that my flight from Vegas aback to Chicago has been …

flight delayed

flight canceled

next flight delayed

next flight canceled

… to the point that by the time I get on a flight headed home, it’s 11-ish p.m. The abandoned way I’ve gotten through this afterwards accident my apperception is by acceptable myself that the acutely adorable 20-something (EA2-S) additionally cat-and-mouse for a flight aback to Chicago is acutely activity to acquire with me on the plane. Obviously.

Fast-forward to the alike accession in O’Hare at 2 a.m. Not abandoned did EA2-S not acquire with me on the alike (since I hadn’t even, you know, talked to her), but aback there isn’t a alternation aback to the suburbs until 6 a.m., I acquire four hours to annihilate on a Monday morning in an all-but absolutely abandoned O’Hare with absolutely annihilation to do. I adjudge that it’s in my best interests to go out to arrivals area the cars/buses/cabs aces cartage up and sit down. Well, the blow of the cartage on my flight are boring picked-up/get in cabs/leave until the abandoned two bodies larboard are me & EA2-S. Uninvited, she comes over and sits bottomward aing to me, strikes up a conversation, begins badly flirting with me, activity at all my lame-ass jokes, touches me while she’s talking/laughing, etc.

Apparently, she’s abandoned four months removed from graduation herself, is in boondocks for two weeks for training for her new job and doesn’t apperceive anyone in the burghal — which I acutely adapt as “I would like to acquire with you for the aing two weeks.” So, as the [insert rental car aggregation which I can’t bethink here] bus pulls up to booty her to her rental, I ask for her number. She grabs a pen from her bag (remember, it’s 2000-ish) and tells me to authority out my hand, on which she writes …

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… and gets up to lath the bus. I audibly bethink staring at my duke for a brace of seconds, apprehensive how the hell I’m gonna alarm “NO,” aback it assuredly hits me.

Me: “Wow, that’s absolutely mean.”

EA2-S: [smiling] “I know.”


— Michael from Batavia, Illinois

6. Brainstorm you are from a babyish boondocks in [the] South. You grew up in Texas, had endemic and rode horses all of your life. You somehow get accustomed to Texas A&M, and accommodated a babe appreciably out of your alliance your inferior year. You somehow argue her to go on a date. It goes able-bodied abundant that you get a second, area she proposes a nice horseback ride. Trotting the horses aback to the barn, while not apperception on the horse, you t in your borderline eyes a chicken blur.

This happens to be the horse’s appendage that is up beside your arch as the horse comes to complete stop, accedence its arch and ablution you at the acceleration of a Nolan Ryan fastball. Through the air you go, advancing to blow on the arena afterwards ripping off allotment of your face, amid both shoulders, dislocating your larboard elbow, ballyhoo your appropriate ulna and breaking the arch off your appropriate radius. In a casting for three months, arm bound in a appropriate angle, your hero gets the casting off a brace of weeks aboriginal and goes to abruptness this admirable babe at work. In advanced of about 40 people, I was a now that I was “healed,” we were done.

That aloof happened.

— Dean H.

5. Summer of 2010. I’m traveling about in Southeast Asia with a friend, and, whilst in Thailand, accommodated the babe of my dreams. We anon hit it off like we’re in a cine — I’m talking amusing back-and-forth badinage that rivals an Owen Wilson and/or Vince Vaughn movie. We biking about calm for addition few days, but afresh I’ve got to go home and she continues on her year-long travel-the-world adventure. But she’s additionally from the Bay Area, and she’ll be home eventually, so of advance we accumulate in touch. A few e-mails a week, a brace Skype dates per month. Things are activity able-bodied — the byword “serious future” is said assorted times by both parties, and she alike acclimated “too acceptable to be true” at one point. Oh, the foreshadowing.

After she decides to prolong her acknowledgment home for addition few months (she aloof loves active in New Zealand too much), it is absitively that I will fly above the ocean and we’ll accommodated for a adventurous anniversary in Fiji. Allocution about an disability to close. She absolutely advised to accomplishment falling in adulation with me, but for affidavit that are still unknown, she aloof didn’t feel the way she accepted to. While on the trip, this accountable was danced about beneath the guise of how she’s aloof got too abundant biking to achieve bottomward in any array of relationship.

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I was allegedly in denial, but I ample it abandoned meant I’d acquire my assignment cut out for me already she got aback home. Alas, about a ages afterwards Fiji, she drops the bang in an e-mail, answer how the cruise was an account for her, and admitting the actuality she never advised it to go bottomward like this, she’s now ardent with one of her Kiwi friends. They abide “in a relationship” today. A heart-breaker for the ages, and I’m still aggravating to blanket my arch about the accomplished thing.

Oh yeah, and here’s the blooming on top: I got the relationship-ending e-mail afterwards advancing home from assignment … afterwards accepting let go from my job! This was absolutely a acceptable affair because I hated the job and I got to go on Funemployment. But still, I absent my job and my babe in the aforementioned day. Who knew that absolutely happens in absolute life?

— Mike from San Francisco

4. Aftermost summer, I was dating a woman. I admired her. A lot. We were demography things apathetic — actual apathetic — aback she had afresh gone through a divorce. This went on for several weeks, during which I helped her move into her abode and did aggregate I could to appearance her I was a nice, decent, abiding guy and not a complete wad like her ex.

I was, of course, doomed.

We apparent that neither of us had apparent Inception, so she arrive me over to her abode one Sunday black to eat pizza and watch it. I brought ice chrism and whiskey — the ice chrism for her (she had a candied tooth) and the whiskey for me because I anticipation I allegedly bare to be bashed to bigger appreciate a cine in which a spinning top plays a acute role. Seriously, Christopher Nolan, fuck you.

As the cine played, she cuddled up aing to me on the couch. The accurateness helped accumulate me absent abundant so that I didn’t anytime catechism the movie’s absurdly adamant argumentation of how a dreamer’s unconscious, free-wheeling, id-spewing apperception works. The cine concluded — the top still spinning — and she sat up to ask me a question.

“So, can I allocution to you?” Because allegedly we hadn’t been talking before.

She’d met somebody. A accidental guy in a accidental bar. She absolutely admired him. She acquainted terrible.

I did the math. While I was allowance her move and packing a car with abundant jackets, dresses, shirts and sweaters to accouter a babyish Lithuanian village, and an accompanying assemblage of goats, for a month, she was seeing this guy. I acquainted like an idiot. The pizza and ice chrism in my abdomen were activity all krav maga on anniversary other. I capital to bite something. A wall. Her TV. A babyish bunny rabbit. Anything. It didn’t absolutely matter.

She capital to be friends. She gave me [a] hug.

I left.

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We’re not friends.

I accept there ability be a aftereffect to Inception. If it does arise out, I anticipate I’m activity to skip it. I’ve apparent this cine before, and it sucked the aboriginal time around. (“Hi, I’m Ellen Page. I’m actuality carefully for exposition. And to be cute.”)

Seriously, Christopher Nolan, fuck you.

— Anonymous

3. This is a two-part chance … allegedly either I’m a crammer for abuse or I aloof can’t booty a hint. It was the end of my inferior year of aerial school, and I was absolutely in adulation with a babe in my class. Brawl was rapidly approaching, so afterwards several weeks of psyching myself up, I eventually congenital up the assumption and asked her to go with me. Her acknowledgment was classic; allegedly her ancestors ability be activity out of boondocks that weekend, and she would let me apperceive the aing day. The aing day came, and yup, they were leaving. In hindsight it’s appealing laughable, but I absolved it rather calmly at the time.

Now, your boilerplate guy would evidently move on. But I’m not one to be deterred, so I spent the aing six months still adorable for an befalling to get with her. Eventually the Christmas ball came around, and that seemed to be the absolute opportunity. That night came, and I planned my move. Aback the aboriginal apathetic song came on, I was gonna ask her to dance, and basically ambit her off her anxiety as I had been planning on all along. It was a aerial academy ball though, so the aboriginal apathetic song didn’t comedy for about three hours. But assuredly the moment came, and at the aboriginal strains of “Hero” by Enrique Iglesias, I sprang into action. I fabricated my way above the ball floor, branch beeline for my drove … until it angry into a arena from a movie.

I swear, I was center above the ball attic aback she saw me headed for her and abject above the ball floor; she headed beeline for my best acquaintance in the accomplished world, and asked him to dance. Apperception you, this kid ability as able-bodied be my brother. We’ve been through blubbery and thin, somehow survived an absolute basketball division beneath the aforementioned batty coach, afraid out every day the antecedent summer … you name it. And he aloof said “sure,” and she put her accoutrements about his aing and they started dancing. I froze in the average of the ball floor, and aggregate aback went all apathetic motion on me. I was absolutely ashamed and ashamed at the aforementioned time.

Mind you, anybody in my aerial academy knew I was into her at this point, so the moment about devastated my acceptability above repair. I confused boring off the attic and because I couldn’t anticipate of annihilation abroad to do, and to added absolutely abbreviate how affecting the bearings was, I began charwoman up the aliment with the best awkward, batty kid in the accomplished academy … who was the abandoned added being afterwards a ball partner. Crushing.

It’s been four years, and I’m assuredly over the girl. But that moment, aback she absolutely destroyed me for the additional time, charcoal the greatest distinct moment of confusion I’ve anytime experienced.

— Andrew M.

2. Young adulation can be tough. Young adulation can be alike tougher if you’re a socially awkward, late-blooming, shy kid who aloof confused to a behemothic aerial academy in Indiana afterwards growing up out west. Accepting no adventurous abilities above-mentioned to the move, aback I was absolutely semi-popular, afterwards the move was tougher area I had no accompany to allege of. I acquired best of my ability of allure from adventurous comedies.

Making a connected chance short, I had developed a behemothic drove on a girl, we’ll alarm her Karen (name afflicted to assure the embarrassed). Beautiful, smart, fun, easy-going, the accomplished package. And I was head-over-heels for her. We were appropriate friends, common abstraction buddies and we’d t a cine calm every now and then. She knew I admired her, and I allegedly absent an befalling beforehand in the year, but I was too abundant of banal to absolutely go for it at the time.

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I assuredly sack up and ask her to prom. I do it cutesy style, abruptness her with flowers and all that. She says she doesn’t appetite to go to brawl at all, it was abandoned a anniversary or two away, she didn’t appetite to get a dress and accord with all of it. I’m heartbroken, but the aftereffect wasn’t absolutely unexpected.

A brace canicule go by, and a alternate acquaintance of ours asks me if I appetite to go with her instead of Karen because she absolutely wants to go and besides, Karen is activity with Mr. Douchey McDouchenstein. Ugh, had my aboriginal agitation attack.

I end up activity to brawl with the friend. And the accomplished accumulation I’m with knows of my constant adulation for Karen, they’re all acceptable accompany with her, and she allegedly would’ve gone with this accumulation if it weren’t for me and not absent it to be weird.

Prom , whatever, afterparty time. Now I hadn’t had abundant acquaintance drinking. Was absolutely bashed allegedly three times afore that night. But I had never had vodka. I’m adequately afflicted afterwards seeing Karen ball with her dude and chat was she ability be endlessly by the affair to adhere out in a bit. I adjudge to asphyxiate my sorrows, seems like what they’d do in the movies. I downed three abounding cups of beeline vodka, absolutely it tasted appealing good. And I acquainted abundant for about bristles account afterwards that. And afresh I don’t bethink a god accursed thing. Absolutely blacked out, I absolutely should acquire gone to the hospital. I acquire no bond of annihilation until the aing day aback the host babe woke me up at apex because her parents would be aback soon.

Apparently, I had sprawled out on the basement attic and aloof aerosol puked everywhere for a solid few hours, and in between, wouldn’t stop agreeable “I LOVE KAREN!!!!” over and over again. They vacuumed my face to get the puke off. My date absorbed up with addition guy [whose] date got crazy pissed, causing accumulation drama. Aback I woke up I couldn’t airing up the stairs so I crawled. I got in my car and slept till 5 p.m., and alike afresh I shouldn’t acquire apprenticed home. And they put pictures of the face vacuuming in the brawl memories photo book. Candied admirable memories.

After that, Karen didn’t appetite to adhere out much. We’d still see anniversary added and had classes together, and I was still absolutely beguiled with her for a while, but it never came to be. Those f#$%ing movies aria to me, the banal acceptable guy doesn’t consistently get the babe in the end. Adamantine assignment to apprentice at that age. Its 10 years afterwards and I’ve got a knockout adherent who I’m d I’ll ally and I wouldn’t barter her for anyone. But I’ll consistently acquire a drove on the anamnesis of Karen.

— Edward F.

1. This is the chance of two rejections. In both I was the rejector, so none of this was absolutely all that aching for me, but still. Aback I was 23, I’d been dating a babe for bristles years. We were affianced and seniors in college. The plan was to get affiliated a year afterwards graduation but she already had her dress and a lot of the planning was complete. However, in the afterwards years of our accord we’d developed afar … romantically. Basically, she didn’t appetite to acquire , alike admitting we’d already had . It got to the point area we almost alike spent time calm alfresco of commons and to go to the gym for a workout.

She was allegedly accomplished with this, but I absolutely wasn’t captivated with a cold, non-physical relationship. To top it off, she absitively that — months afore graduation — she’d rather not be a abecedary like she’d been alive against and spent aing to $100K on at a clandestine college. Instead she capital to be a cop, which was absolutely out of larboard acreage and hasty aback she’d fabricated fun of her sister for throwing abroad her own big-ticket apprenticeship to accompany the badge force. Oh, and she was a triathlete, so all she absolutely cared about was training and competition. I’m a slacker so that wasn’t a abundant mix.

Anyway, bounce of chief year I went out to D.C. for a Archetypal Arab Alliance conference. (Think Archetypal UN, abandoned this was aloof a simulation of the Arab League. It’s appealing abundant all an alibi to get bashed and get laid for a anniversary with bodies you’ll never see again.) I met a babe from a small, private, all girls academy in the South and we absorbed up. I didn’t alarm my girlfriend/fiancee for the accomplished week. Aback I got back, I aggregate up all the applesauce she’d larboard in my allowance and went over to her place. I told her I’d been hooking up with addition babe for a week, I didn’t adulation her anymore and that we bare to breach up. She was appealing pissed. Again, she’d already bought a bells dress and everything. So yeah, that was allegedly appealing painful.

After that, I started seeing addition babe I went to academy with. Frankly, she wasn’t actual intelligent, but she was appropriate in bed. Unfortunately, she was additionally appealing crazy and started talking about our approaching kids and shit. We’d been calm about 10 months aback I’d had aloof about abundant of it. As luck would acquire it, I was the best man in my buddy’s bells and I met a bridesmaid (the accessory of the bride) at the call dinner. We hit it off, did some abandoned flirting (my adherent wasn’t there) and had an burning connection. At the accession the aing night we connected to flirt, but this time my adherent — activity threatened and acutely territorial — was bound by my ancillary the accomplished evening.

Both the bridesmaid and myself took abounding advantage of the accessible bar and against the night’s end, we were plastered. I assuredly managed to get her abandoned of the ball attic and we concluded up authoritative out in advanced of everybody, my adherent included. My adherent absent it and aback we got out into the anteroom aloof unloaded on me. I abandoned her all the way aback to the hotel, area she connected to scream at me while I affected to sleep. The aing day, afterwards sleeping in, I went over to my girlfriend’s place, had composition with her and afresh bankrupt up with her anon afterward. That was allegedly appealing painful, too, but I concluded up marrying the bridesmaid, so it all formed out … for me at least.

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I did get abandoned myself once. It was in sixth brand aback the babe I was “dating” had her accompany breach up with me on the amphitheater afterwards lunch. It was OK though, because she concluded up accepting a beard in aerial school.

—Jason, Wisconsin

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